Long Story to Painting My Bedroom

This morning I woke up in a new room and I have to admit it makes me sad to have the old room that Gary and I spent so much time in gone. I have been changing it slowly and the little changes kept him intact but the paint change wiped the old completely away. Here is the story of the change. Sorry it is long and I guess more helpful to me that to the reader.

Before Gary died I thought I would have to redecorate as I thought it would be too painful to be in this room that I loved him, nursed him and saw him die in. It had the opposite effect and I have not been able to leave this room while I am home as if he would come back here to me.

I told my cousin's wife Cheryl this as we were working out. Cheryl has the most amazing taste in anything visual. She suggested that since I spent so much time in here that I should paint it a bright color. Usually I am obsessive about a project, working until I run out of steam. Lately I don't have much steam so the transformation has been slow and included other friends and outings.

First I bought new bedding. It was nice but seemed about the same. Soon after I was staying at Bill and Matt's new lovely house in the Oakland hills, complete with 2 new rescue Boxers. I am in love with Brutus and Molly. Bill wanted me to go with him to an Art Auction. I had no intention of buying anything, he was looking at a few paintings. When we got there I found out it was also Antiques. I usually take my car which fits me, a duffel bag and my purse. I happened to bring Gary's car that we had nicknamed the Beast. The Beast landed at home with a dresser and two 12' x 9' Persian rugs. No one was around to help me drag them out of the car so of course I got them upstairs and had to move a lot of furniture to make them work. It was a nice change but everything was about the same and I was back in the room not able to leave. I was amazed that I was able to walk the next day.

The paint in the room was okay but not perfect. Then it became a battle in my head, do I paint it? What color if I do? Do I hire someone? How do I do that? Can I paint this room myself? It's got so many doors and windows I don't think I have the energy to do it. So here I stayed and missed Gary and couldn't do much at home outside of staring at the TV. We only watched a movie a day when Gary was alive. He hated the TV and I was used to it being off.

Next event, a trip to MOMA to see the Stein collection with Bill and Matt. The previous week Glenn and I gone to the Jewish Museum expecting the Art but got the history of Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas. It turned out to be a good set up for the MOMA collection. After the show we ate at the MOMA cafe and there were these fun paintings on the wall of desserts. They were cheery and bright so I thought I would buy one. Not so easy so I took a few photos and went home to think about it. I haven't been able to paint for a very long time. Gary was a great muse and loved it when I would paint or do anything creative. As you know this website was started to keep me on track with my creativity. Hence the long absences. I decided I could paint the painting myself and bought the canvases.

Then next it was a battle in my head about the order of painting. Shouldn't I paint the bedroom before I paint on canvas? If I start to paint again I will never finish the bedroom. Being of little energy still I did not start to paint either the canvas or the room. One morning the sun woke me up at 5:30. How did Gary and I sleep in this room for a summer with just the blinds? Well we all know that one, we were exhausted from his cancer and the treatments. The next night I covered the window with a fitted sheet and realized I needed curtains. I found the right curtains and was none to happy when I found out they had to be shipped. I wanted to put them up ASAP, the only way I know how to do things. Next I realized that if I was going to paint the room it had to happened before the curtains arrived next Wednesday.

I decided to start with taping the room. If I could do that I could do the painting. The meticulous setup seems to be more work than the painting itself. Gary loved to paint and being a good Virgo was able to dot every "i " and cross every " t" in life making him a great painter among his many talents. That is not my nature. I think the Angel Gary was there to help me put every inch of tape in the room and not starting with the paint until all the prep work was done. I thought about how much I love Virgos and Aquarius's like myself while I was working on this massive project. I realized that 3 of my 4 closest friends are Virgos and Aquarius's. Bill, the Aquarius is with Matt a Virgo. That makes me happy. Glenn and Evelyn are Virgos. Andy is an Aries. 3 out of 4 is good. These thoughts made me happy and I did not burn out until the last wall.

Now here I am in a brand new room transformed away from my love. The room itself is great. I guess it is a lesson in the good of moving on. Lets see if the new room moves me into other parts of the house like the den/play room where I used to happily create. I wrote this story so I could make myself accountable to my creative progress as I know many of you have and will ask if I am paining.

Wonder what Gary thinks when he looks down? He probably more than me wants me to move on. I doubt he is happy that I have gotten catatonic on the bed.