Latest Painting and Sugar

This is my latest painting. It is hanging near the finished cheesecake painting that I posted when it was in process.(I will post it soon.) It is ironic that my latest paintings are both sugar related at a time that I have finally given up my sugar addiction. I can now walk through the aisles of Valentine"s, St. Patrick's Day and Easter candy with no temptation. Never thought this would happen. I justified my sugar habit away for as long as I knew sugar was bad for me (27 years). The two most profound ideas I heard but denied were 1) sugar is as bad for an addict as heroin 2) sugar will age one's face more than cigarettes.
Someone asked me if hanging these sugar delights would be tempting for me. No, the appeal is now the pretty colors, artistic creation of desserts. I have been thinking a lot about my age, my health etc. lately. I have decided for the moment that it is an inside out job. I am a woman so I reserve the right to change my mind in the future. I haven't even had my first shot of botox. I am afraid that once I start down that path I will let my evil perfectionist pop up and there will be no end to it. Like the days I look in the mirror and think today is the day I need a full face lift. I push those thoughts away usually by walking away from that nasty mirror. I also an continually fine tuning what I put in my body, do with my body and mind so I can't see injecting poison into my face. That being said I am all for anything anyone wants to do to  (within reason) to feel better about themselves. My Libertarian philosophy.
School is finally getting interesting as we are hearing some amazing lectures about American food and disease. I can see Gary's cancer path in full. I am not currently working on any projects as I have a lot going on. They are all good, more exercise, school, friends, women in distress, to name a few. The first thing that goes is a big, creative project but it is good as I am ready to be busier and then learn to balance my life.

Different Ways of Creating

This is what I looked like just a few years ago on one of our last trips together, I think I was 54. Then it was time to sit. At first it was necessary to be there for Gary, then it was all I could as I was grieving, then I was stuck. Last week I posted about the three hour gym thing. 8 days later and I have been at the gym everyday with the exception of one rest day. It was not a scary day. It pushed me back into the zone I needed. When I try to talk myself into not driving to the gym I am able to override the thought.
So I am creating health. I have been fine tuning my diet more and more. I am close to looking like that picture again and will get there soon. Although there is nothing on my easel or creative desk my energy is slowly returning and I am using my time better.
I once knew an artist that had been a stockbroker. I ran into him a few years after I had seen his work and asked if he was still sculpting. He told me that he was not, he was back to creating money. I filled that away as creating can come in many forms and forward movement and balance is key.
I have a two hour workout on the schedule today and a creative project percolating in my head.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. Having been with such a romantic I got to enjoy this day to the fullest. Instead of blathering on about those days I will tell you what it is for me now. I am no longer under a sad veil of better times, not yet a new better time but on my way. There is a big romantic, softy in me so I decided to think of this day as a holiday of love in the general sense. I have a needy, purring cat sitting on my lap while I write with a smile on my face. I plan on having a great day today. Gym, meeting, Artist Way and knitting store. Add in healthy food and acknowledge that I will see many people I care about today so how could it not be a happy one.
For those of you in a relationship I hope you show your partner how wonderful they are. For those not forget about the Hallmark creation and enjoy the people you love. Years ago I was in a relationship with someone that didn't give me roses on Valentine's Day (we did still celebrate) but bought me three dozen the next day when the prices weren't jacked up. I loved it.
I learned awhile ago that making distracting plans on days that could otherwise be difficult was a good strategy for not feeling, sad, left out, etc. I really loaded myself with armor for this one making my own cards. How can one feel sad will playing and thinking of others?

So today I wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day and think of it as a Holiday of All Love, not just romantic love.

Friday Thoughts

My first homegrown tomato

Every Friday morning I try to talk myself out of going to my small group training. It's cold, too early, anything I can try to grab onto. I always go and I am always glad that I did. I signed up for a three hour work-out sampler tomorrow and need to declare it so tomorrow morning while I am trying to convince myself that it's too long, too hard etc. I will know I committed to it publicly.
It is hard for me to believe that I once showed up to my trainer with broken bones, telling him that there must be something we can work on. I will blame it on age.
About three weeks ago I decided to go off HRT's after 17 years. I am doing an herbal combo. Seems to be working fine except I realize that my memory is a bit off. I keep losing things and then when I retrace my steps I can't actually remember doing the activities that I know got done. Think I need Gilko Biloba.
The photo of my first tomato is not new but I won't be finishing projects as often as I want to post so will use random photos for visuals. I just order a new set of seeds for my Aerogarden. Not as good as an actual garden but I have always lived in apartments or condos. I have only had one garden on my adult life. It was tended by a gardener. I might love a garden at this stage of my life but I am content with the way I live. I also have a tendency to phase through things so a happy garden today might become a pain later.
The other day I sat on the floor and perused the books in the bookshelf. I have a fair amount of books, a collection representing both Gary and my lives. I haven't felt boredom in a long time but if I do I know I could look through my books and find numerous activities from the subject matters to find something interesting to do.
My ingredients readying in the kitchen are now needing my attention so off to cooking I go.

Trish's Painting, etc.

 

A few months ago I donated an old floral painting to an auction. My friend Trish saw it and  liked it so I offered to do a painting for her. It was a favor for me as I needed inspiration to paint. I drill on board and paint on it (you can see the process on the left). I like the process of getting the image out of the way and then concentrating on the color and shading. I also am enjoying painting on canvas. It was great to be painting again and I have painted a little more often since I began this painting. This is the finished painting.

 I think that I mentioned I am doing Julia Cameron's, The Artist Way again. Yesterday I was reading about  critics and realize that I only have supportive people around when it comes to my creativity. I know this is true for my emotional life. I would not have survived the current journey without lots of love and support. Thank you all. Anyway, I have spent most of my life being pretty self-contained so I didn't give creative support much thought. That being said , I wouldn't be inspired if others didn't see something in my various projects. When I listen I realize how much support I have and that others see a larger Artist than I do.  I also know that Art is so subjective that what appeals to one person may not appeal to anyone else so it isn't about people liking what I do as much as encouraging me to continue on my creative journey.

 

 

 

 

 

 I see color everywhere. Once I was at the art supply store and I told my friend Andy that there weren't enough colors. I have tubes and tubes of bright paints, pots of colored embossing powders, watercolor pencils, jewelry, shoes, each room in my home is a different color. Not too many people in my life don't know what my favorite color is.

Sculpture

Last year I decided to take a sculpture class. I have never done any sculpture but have thought about it through out the years. My first piece is with one of the right. It was surprisingly an enjoyable experience. No artist critic, somewhat physical and fun to try something new. I was able to acknowledge that I was pretty good at it. The piece on the lower left was done by a man that has been doing sculpture for 40 years.
I could go to class each Friday ready to go.
I was looking for an activity that I could work on both in class and at home. The problem with figurative is you need the live model. I tried working from photographs. Dragging everything home and back to no avail.

 

 Since I enjoyed it I decide to take a second session. Here is the second piece:

 

It is something I would do again but I decided when the session started last week not to enroll again. The instructor is a great artist but got pretty flaky and we had a lot of wasted time,no model, blah, blah. A friend from the class felt the same way and was even more frustrated than I was so I, didn't even show up for the last class so her piece is in my spare bathtub.

It did make me see the value of classes. Think I will look for a  painting or cooking class. I am doing the Artist Way again. One of the components is a weekly artist date. For some reason I seem to have resistance to that suggestion. Guess I solved my own problem.

Yesterday I felt an Angel

 

 

 

For those of you that were fortunate enough to have know my late husband you knew that he was one of the most romantic men on the planet. He was proud of it and I have a large heart-shaped box full of love letters, a large shelf full of Tiffany boxes, a computer folder full of profound poetry. This should be one of the hardest holidays for me yet for the first time I feel Angel Gary's presence helping me feel love not sadness as I involve myself in Valentine's Day. It was almost out of body playing at was once his Virgo neat desk. This photo is of it's present creative mess.
I used to sit on a big pink exercise ball at Ritchie Commercial. Gary loved that an otherwise perfectly decorated office had me sitting on a ball. Yesterday I bought a new one for my new/old play area.
I guess things do come in three's. Yesterday I lost a baguette in my sapphire and diamond ring. This was especially upsetting as this ring has so much sentimentality to it. This morning I found the stone about 6" in under the oriental rug in the bedroom. How in the hell did it get there and way did I even look there?
I don't think it is a coincidence that he waited until I was happier to come visit.

I miss the old user-friendly Photoshop. I tried to do this next photo in Microsoft Paint with an uncooperative mouse but you get the point:

I heard a story on the news about a woman that is trying to promote the use of mail for cards, gifts etc. I don't remember the details but I am doing my part. Happily making Valentine's Day cards like a kid in an art class in grade school. I imagine Angel Gary smiling.

From Cream Puffs to Kale Snacks

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Yes, it has been a very long time since my last post. A lot has happened or possibly not too much has happened. I am slowly moving out of the fog of grief into a new life.
I decided on the title as the only other food post I have done was about the day I made cream puffs from scratch. Like many things in my life I am in a totally different place.
For years I have been working on food, my health, how they work together. I have been able to give up a lot of foods that don't work for me but always in denial about the "sugar thing". After being sugar free for a while I made the mistake of baking for the holidays and it was amazing to see the addictive behavior I had around it. 27 years ago I heard how bad it was for the first time and buried the information. 15 years ago my personal trainer, an N.D. student tried to get through to me by telling me sugar will age one faster than cigerettes.Not even the vanity scare worked  Enough on the evils of sugar except to say I made it through my birthday without so much as a bite of cake. 1st of 57. More about kalish stuff.
I am going to school for holistic nutrition. Not clear on where I want to go with it but I do love to cook and am more and more aware of health as I am aging (yuck!). This isn't the first time I have been faced with "what do I want to do when I grow up?". This is a good starting place for me. I want to use my blog to help myself figure things out. Who knows what I will be posting about but I will post. I am also do the Artist Way again so these tools along with other things should help.
I am still painting. Took a few sculpture classes since I last was in touch. A friend said my life is like one big art project. I have been making cards. Always knitting.Still love fashion, high heels, jewelery. I will post photos of some of the things I have created since I last used my site, probably unrelated to the post. I like posts better with photos being the visual girl that I am.
Hope you aren't sick of the stops and starts and will follow my blog again.
I bought the domain name but it is too much work to convert to .com for now. More soon.
xoxo