I have so many pictures of him, us. We lived an amazing life in the time we had together. How do I select just one or a few? Which are my favorites? This one was taken pretty early on and encapsulates the being of Gary. He had written a song about me and surprised me by singing it to me. I cried in a way I had never cried before. One of his biggest gifts to me was the way he loved me completely, unconditionally, in a way I had never been loved before. Certainly I miss it, I am doing my best to carry on knowing how much better off I am having been loved like that. Do I want him back? Unquestionably! Do I live in the past? No. He would not want that.
There are mementos all over our (a word I can not shed) home. Pictures of us, things we bought in places all over the map. We certainly loaded as much life into our time together as we could. As I was writing in my journal this morning, we were both 100% ready to give and get from each other when we met. I have wondered if there was a part of us that was able to expose ourselves more as we knew we might have limited time or were we both just that present? Hard to say so I won't waste time on it. I will spend the time instead on the great memories we had together.
A while back people kept telling me that someday I would be grateful that I experienced that rare love every human wants, very few get. Recently someone told me that her reaction to seeing us together was both magical and made her jealous, knowing she had never felt the way we. I did not think I could get here. I was still hurting from having it taken away.
Today, as much as I miss this absolutely amazing human being, I can say that yes, all the pain has been worth it.
Gary, I hope you are with your dad, my dad and many other wonder people we have lost. I miss you and I want to thank you for such an amazing ride!
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